Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
