They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
