seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is this like a preordered booty call?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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