I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
