Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
3pm strippers are depressing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
