i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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