i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
