I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
