it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
