we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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