im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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