wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
