whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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