why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
