after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
