i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
