She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
