I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
