I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
