Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
