No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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