I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
