Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
