Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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