I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
