Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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