I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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