ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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