So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
