went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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