If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
