I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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