I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
