This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think your dad took our porno
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
