I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
