The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
