in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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