I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
