I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
