Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
