I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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