I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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