I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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