my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
