I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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