just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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