I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
