You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
