i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
