ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
