im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
