We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
