We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
