Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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